I have learned a lot since coming to CGA about a month ago, but, really, the biggest lesson I am learning is not new or particularly profound (at least it probably wouldn’t be seen that way by most people). What God is teaching me and pounding into me is pretty basic. In fact, it’s one of the most basic truths Christians believe.
Andrew Shearman is one of the men behind the creation of the World Race and one of the founders of a discipleship program in Spain called G42. He spoke at a session while I was on my Race in Thailand, and I will never forget part of what he shared that night. He shared that same message, along with other truths, with my CGA class. He asks the “audience” this question (or something very similar): “Why are you on this planet? What is your purpose for being born?” No one ever knows the answer; I didn’t when I heard the message the first time. The answer to these questions is this: “You were born to be loved.” You, I, we are on this planet to be loved by our Heavenly Father. God is love, and He wanted people to love, so He created you and me and all of us.
I told you it was pretty basic!
But for me, even though it’s a basic truth, it’s not simple or easy to believe it. I can love God pretty well. I can love others pretty well. But loving myself, believing that my Father and others love me, well that’s a whole different story. That’s not easy for me at all! Yet, for me to love God and others even better and more deeply, I have to also love myself. Truly loving myself starts with believing that I am loved.
For over a year (since I began my World Race journey), this is something that the Lord has been teaching me. But since starting CGA, He has been revealing this truth and challenging me in new ways. Through one of my CGA leaders, I realized that I had kind of put this vital truth on the back burner and moved on to other “more important” things. He put it something like this, “You are painting the walls of your house, but your foundation has some issues.” If I don’t have intimacy with the Father, then nothing else really matters. If I don’t believe I am loved by my Father, loved no matter what I do, loved no matter if I fail or succeed, then nothing else I do really matters. And as I started to think about how I viewed God as a Father, I realized that deep down I had this fear that eventually He would give up on me if I wasn’t doing enough for the Kingdom (and I never feel like I am). My head knows this isn’t true which is progress, because if you had asked me about this prior to the Race, I struggled to believe that God and others had any reason to truly love me and questioned whether I was loved. But the knowledge I have in my head telling me God loves me and created me so that He can love me still hasn’t made its way to the depths of my heart.
I have been taking this to the Father to see what He has to say. And what I’ve been hearing from Him doesn’t match up with what my heart has been believing. Instead, it’s the opposite! He told me He is proud of me, and then because He knows me, He confirmed it through someone else. He told me His love chases and pursues me at all costs (something no one else can, will, or has done for me). He told me He loves me, just as I am right now. Dang y’all!!!
It is something I am still working through, something I am continually trying to put into practice in a sense. It is a seemingly basic truth, but it’s not easy to etch it on my heart. Right now, it is something I am tracing, like when you’re in kindergarten and your homework is to trace letters and write by connecting dots. But maybe tomorrow or the next I will write it on my own in pencil. Then, maybe the next day I will write it in washable marker, then in Sharpie, and so on until it is carved in my heart for good. Believing this truth in my very core, like everything else, is a process. It doesn’t necessarily matter where I’m at in the process, it doesn’t matter how big or small my progress is, it just matters that I am pushing forward. All day, every day, letting my Father remind me I was born to be loved, and I am SO very loved by Him!
God Bless,
Chelsea
